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Sunday, 4 January 2015

So many questions...

With 2015's arrival and 2014's sudden dismissal it's left me with so many questions. I just wanted to share a few of my questions, worries and concerns regarding the upcoming year & would love to know if anyone else thinks the same way I do...

I'm currently the most unmotivated I have ever been when it comes to University, I thought that perhaps a new year would give me a different perspective on things, but unfortunately it hasn't. I'm worried that this will reflect in my work and my grades will suffer. I've never really enjoyed uni as much as my other friend. Yes, I love the freedom of living with my friends, and I love going out and dancing into the early hours of the morning.. but the course itself? I don't know. I've never completely fallen in love with what I'm learning. I went into my first year knowing what I wanted to do when I finished my third year, but now I'm more confused than ever. It doesn't help when family and friends tell you to just get on with it.. 'do your best'... but it's hard to do my best when I'm feeling so dismissive about all my work. I know It may appear that I hate uni, but i don't, I know that afterwards I'll be glad I did it & hopefully my career path will benefit.. but right now, I just feel so young, too young to decide what I want to do with my life and where I see myself in 5 years. 

I'm aware that I need to change, I need to be more outgoing and more confident. I have no life skills that I could sell myself on... of course there's the usual 'team player' and 'hard worker' but that's so typical. I need to put myself out there this year, I need to get some experience that I can put on my CV otherwise I'll be the one in the interview waiting room with a one page CV sitting next to Mrs 12 pages of impressive experiences that have given me a guaranteed chance at getting this job! But where to start? There are many places to volunteer, but if I do, I don't just want to do it for the attractiveness to future employers. I want to enjoy it. The major thing is, that I'm terrified of doing new things like this alone, hence why me and Kayleigh do everything together. She's the only person I know that's exactly like me, and so I'm glad she's always been there to hold my hand. I guess I just need to get off my arse and hop to it. 

I think it's hard because Kayleigh and I are quite creative people. We love blogging, we both keep journals and we're attempting to write a book together.. don't laugh! But no matter how much we enjoy it, deep down we know that nothing will ever come of it. At the most it's a hobby, and we're happy that we have that. But we'd love if we could do this all the time. We will not give up though! 

God, this is a gloomy post. 

Maybe I should be asking other questions like... Why is the sky blue? Is Kim K's bum really real?
But I hate the thought that we all spend years in education, to get a job that pays well, to then work at this job for the rest of our lives until we get too old. Then we have to live off the money we've earned which won't be buying us holidays to Hawaii (which we'll deserve), but instead allowing us the privilege of Heinz beans instead of tesco's own. So really, what is the point? *Sigh* 

For now I'm going to try and stay positive, motivate myself and be more confident! HEAR HEAR!

Please don't get me wrong, I love my life. I love my friends and family and wouldn't change a thing about it. It's just sometimes these question weigh on my mind and it helps to just get it out there! :D

'Someday everything will make perfect sense. So for now laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears, and keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a reason.' 

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